Episode 129: Your Child's Separation Anxiety And Are You Making It Worse?
Understanding Separation Anxiety:
Separation anxiety is normal, but that doesn't make it enjoyable.
- The goal is to understand why a child perceives temporary absence as abandonment and how to reassure them.
- The child's brain acts like an overenthusiastic security guard, setting off alarms when a parent leaves.
- The child's brain is trying to protect them, but it can be "extra" about it.
Signs of Anxiety:
- Beyond a child treating a parent's departure as a major event, look for these indicators:
- Physical symptoms such as headaches and stomachaches, particularly on school days.
- Behavioral changes, like a normally independent child becoming clingy.
- Sleep changes, including trouble falling or staying asleep, or checking on the parent.
The SECURE Method:
- Dr. Tan introduces the SECURE method, an acronym for managing childhood anxiety.
- S - Safe Space / neutral space Creation: Create a secure environment, like a "Chill Zone" with pillows and books, where the child feels safe to express their feelings.
- E - Emotional Validation: Validate the child's feelings instead of dismissing them. For example, instead of saying "There's nothing to worry about," say "I understand this feels scary. It's okay to feel this way".
- C - Consistent Routines: Children need routines. Create a short, sweet, and consistent goodbye routine. A good routine includes a quick hug, a simple phrase, and a confident exit. A bad routine involves prolonged hugs, tearful goodbyes, and multiple returns.
- U - Understanding Triggers: Identify anxiety triggers such as new situations, changes in routine, or loss of control.
- R - Realistic Expectations:
- E - Empowering Independence:
When to Seek Professional Help:
- Consider professional help if:
- The child's anxiety severely impacts daily life.
- The strategies discussed aren't helping after consistent effort.
- The parent develops anxiety about the child's anxiety.
Statistics:
- Separation anxiety affects about 4% of children under 12.
- It's equally common in boys and girls.
- Most children show significant improvement with proper support.
- Many parents feel like they're the only ones dealing with this.
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