Ah, the modern parent’s dilemma: to play or not to play?
We’re constantly bombarded with the notion that we must be perpetually engaged and playful with our children. Let’s face it, sometimes the thought of another round of hide-and-seek is about as appealing as doing your tax returns.
It’s perfectly normal not to feel like playing all the time. It’s okay to not be a human jungle gym 24/7.
Self-Compassion: The Unsung Hero
One of the pearls of wisdom I’ve gathered from my practice is the importance of self-compassion. Parents, especially those juggling ADHD, anxiety, and other mental health conditions, often push themselves to meet every perceived obligation. But being true to your authentic self will recharge you, allowing you to be genuinely playful when the time is right. Taking care of yourself so you can actually enjoy playing with your kids? Revolutionary, isn’t it? But hang on...this is not me giving you permission to jettison your parental obligations either. Balance being the key word here.
Aroha’s Epiphany
Take Aroha, a mum who shared her journey during a session at my child psychiatry clinic. She realised that forcing herself to be playful, even when she wasn’t up to it, was about as effective as a chocolate teapot. Accepting her true feelings and acknowledging when she wasn’t capable of playing at that moment was far more beneficial. This acceptance allowed her to plan playtime for when she felt more energised and enthusiastic. See. Balance. Who knew that being honest with yourself could lead to better parenting?
Empathy and Connection: The Dynamic Duo
This approach aligns with the principles of empathy and connection that I advocate. It’s about balancing the need to connect with your child playfully and being true to your own state of mind. By acknowledging your resistance to play and being kind to yourself about it, you create space for genuine playfulness to arise naturally. It’s like magic, but with less glitter and more sanity.
The Self-Care Revolution
Self-care plays a significant role in this process. Taking time for meditation, reflection, or simply being alone can help you recharge. As Aroha found, dedicating time to self-care made interactions with her son lighter and more joyful. It’s essential to let go of guilt and recognise that taking care of yourself is not only beneficial for you but also for your child.
Responding to Moods: Yours and Theirs
Moreover, this authenticity extends to how we respond to our children’s moods. Just as we shouldn’t force ourselves to be playful, we shouldn’t push our children to “correct” their moods. Attuning to our own emotions helps us better attune to our children’s needs, fostering a more harmonious relationship. It’s almost like treating them as actual human beings with their own feelings. Shocking, I know.
Expert Advice: Take It or Leave It
In my practice, I emphasise the value of expert advice while also encouraging parents to trust their instincts.
While strategies and techniques from experts provide valuable guidance, it’s crucial to adapt them to your unique situation.
Address each moment with your child through your own eyes, using expert advice as inspiration rather than a strict rulebook. Because no one knows your child better than you do.
The Playfulness Spectrum
So, my advice to parents is this:
- If playfulness is alive in you, embrace it and play!
- If you’re not entirely into it but can manage a bit of playfulness, give yourself a gentle push.
- However, if strong feelings stand in the way, acknowledge them and practise self-kindness.
This acknowledgment might be all you need to take a light-hearted step toward your child. And if all else fails, there’s always Netflix (i'm kinda half joking...kinda)
Communicate and Recharge
Remember, being authentic and true to your emotions doesn’t mean you have to suppress or ignore them. Instead, gently communicate your needs to your children and take care of your feelings through self-care or sharing with a trusted friend. Your child will be ready to play once you’re recharged and your playful heart is reawakened (oh joy!)
By embracing authenticity and balancing play with self-care, we can create a supportive and nurturing environment for both ourselves and our children.
