Unlocking Your Child’s Heart: Proven Strategies to Help Anxious Kids Share Their Feelings!

As parents, we often find ourselves at a loss when our children struggle with anxiety. We want to help, but it can be challenging to get them to open up about their experiences and feelings. The key to supporting your anxious child lies in asking the right questions and creating a safe, non-judgmental space for them to express themselves. In this blog post, we'll explore a variety of questions you can use to encourage your child to talk about their anxiety, as well as strategies for dealing with common roadblocks like the silent treatment or "I don't know" responses.

Understanding the Importance of Communication

Before we get into specific questions, let’s get a better understanding of why open communication about anxiety is so important. We don’t want to simply ignore it but at the same time we don’t need to ‘pander to it’ - ideally, we want our children to feel like we ‘get it’ but we also want them to build skills to help them face up to anxiety and manage it. When children can articulate their feelings and experiences, it helps them:

1. Gain a better understanding of their own emotions
2. Feel less isolated in their struggles
3. Develop coping strategies more effectively
4. Build trust and strengthen their relationship with you

The goal is not to interrogate your child but to create an ongoing dialogue that allows them to feel heard and supported.

Questions to Explore the Origins of Anxiety [ideally you’ll get some response, but sometimes we don’t…and we’ll come to that later]

1. "When did you first notice feeling worried or anxious?"

This question helps pinpoint when anxiety began to affect your child's life. It can reveal triggers or life events that may have contributed to the onset of anxiety.

2. "Can you remember a time when you didn't feel anxious? What was different then?"

This question encourages your child to reflect on periods of calm, which can help identify factors that contribute to their anxiety.

3. "Has anything changed recently in your life that might be making you feel more worried?"

Changes in routine, school, friendships, or family dynamics can often trigger anxiety in children.

Questions to Understand Physical Sensations

4. "When you feel anxious, what does it feel like in your body?"

Anxiety often manifests physically. Encouraging your child to describe these sensations can help them become more aware of their anxiety cues.

5. "Where in your body do you feel the anxiety the most?"

This question can help your child locate and describe specific physical symptoms, such as a tight chest or butterflies in the stomach.

6. "If your anxiety had a color or shape, what would it look like?"

Using imagery can help younger children express their feelings when they lack the vocabulary to describe complex emotions.

Questions to Identify Triggers

7. "What kinds of situations make you feel the most anxious?"

Understanding specific triggers can help you and your child develop strategies to manage anxiety-provoking situations.

8. "Is there a particular time of day when you tend to feel more anxious?"

This question can reveal patterns in your child's anxiety, which may be linked to daily routines or activities.

9. "Do you notice any thoughts that pop into your head when you start feeling anxious?"

Helping your child identify anxious thoughts is a crucial step in learning to challenge and reframe them.

Questions to Explore Coping Mechanisms

10. "What helps you feel better when you're feeling anxious?"

This question allows your child to reflect on coping strategies they may already be using, even unconsciously.

11. "Is there something you wish you could do or say when you're feeling anxious?"

This can reveal desires or needs your child may have difficulty expressing during anxious moments.

12. "If your best friend was feeling anxious, what advice would you give them?"

Sometimes, children find it easier to generate solutions for others than for themselves. This question can uncover coping strategies they may not have considered for their own anxiety.

Questions to Understand the Impact of Anxiety

13. "How does anxiety affect your day-to-day life?"

This question helps assess the severity of your child's anxiety and its impact on their daily functioning.

14. "Are there things you avoid doing because of anxiety?"

Understanding avoidance behaviors can help you work with your child to gradually face their fears.

15. "How does anxiety affect your relationships with friends or family?"

This question explores the social impact of anxiety and can reveal areas where additional support may be needed.

Questions to Explore Support Systems

16. "Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about your worries?"

This can help identify trusted individuals in your child's life who can provide additional support.

17. "What could I (or we as a family) do to help you feel less anxious?"

Involving your child in problem-solving can empower them and strengthen your relationship.

18. "Would you like to talk to someone outside the family about your anxiety, like a counselor?"

Some children may feel more comfortable discussing their anxiety with a neutral party.

Dealing with the Silent Treatment

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, children may respond with silence when asked about their anxiety. 

Kids often give the silent treatment as a way to express their feelings or to gain control over a situation. Here are a few common reasons:

1. Feeling Overwhelmed: Sometimes, children feel so angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed that they need to withdraw and avoid conversation
2. Seeking Attention: They might use the silent treatment to attract attention or to reverse a situation, especially if they feel they’ve been wronged or punished
3. Coping Mechanism: For some kids, it’s a way to cope with difficult emotions or situations. They might not have the skills to express their feelings verbally
4. Power and Control: The silent treatment can give children a sense of power and control over their parents or the situation

Sometimes they get sick of being silent and want to say something but become embarrassed to do so. It’s important to approach this behavior with empathy and understanding. Let them know you’re there to talk when they’re ready, and try not to take it personally. This can help them develop healthier ways to communicate and resolve conflicts.

Here are some strategies to handle this situation:

1. Respect their silence: Let them know it's okay not to talk right now, but you're here when they're ready.
2. Offer alternative communication methods: Suggest writing, drawing, or using a feelings chart to express their emotions.
3. Lead by example: Share your own experiences with anxiety, normalising the conversation. You might not share with them directly but with other adults perhaps in your vicinity.
4. Create a calm environment: Engage in a relaxing activity together, which may naturally lead to conversation.
5. Use indirect communication: Sometimes, talking side-by-side during an activity or car ride can feel less intimidating than face-to-face conversations.

Addressing "I Don't Know" Responses

It's common for children to respond with "I don't know" when asked about their anxiety. Kids often say “I don’t know” for various reasons, and it can be a way for them to navigate their emotions or the situation. Here are some common reasons:

1. Feeling Overwhelmed: They might be too distracted or overwhelmed by their emotions or activities to engage with the question
2. Lack of Confidence: Sometimes, kids are unsure of their answers and fear being wrong, so they default to "I don’t know"
3. Need for Processing Time: They might need more time to think and process their thoughts before they can articulate an answer
4. Avoidance: It can be a way to avoid a topic they find uncomfortable or challenging.
5. Seeking Approval: They might believe that their opinion doesn’t matter or that you already have a preferred answer

When you encounter this response, it’s helpful to give them some space and time to think. You can also encourage them by saying, “That’s okay, take a moment to think about it,” or “What would you say if you did know?” This can help them feel more comfortable and confident in sharing their thoughts. 

Here are some ways to move past this roadblock:

1. Acknowledge the difficulty: "It can be hard to put feelings into words. Let's try to figure it out together."
2. Offer options: "Would it be more like feeling scared, or more like feeling worried?"
3. Use scales: "On a scale of 1 to 10, how anxious are you feeling right now?"
4. Explore physical sensations: "Even if you're not sure why you feel anxious, can you tell me how your body feels?"
5. Break it down: Ask about specific situations or times of day rather than general questions about anxiety.
6. Give time and space: Let them know it's okay to think about it and come back to the conversation later.

Creating a Safe Space for Ongoing Dialogue

Remember, opening up about anxiety is not a one-time conversation but an ongoing process. Here are some tips to create a supportive environment for these discussions:

1. Set aside regular check-in times: This could be daily or weekly, depending on your child's needs.
2. Practice active listening: Give your full attention, avoid interrupting, and reflect back what you hear.
3. Validate their feelings: Avoid dismissing their concerns or rushing to problem-solve.
4. Be patient: It may take time for your child to feel comfortable discussing their anxiety openly.
5. Model open communication: Share your own feelings and coping strategies when you face challenges.
6. Celebrate small victories: Acknowledge and praise your child's efforts to face their fears or talk about their anxiety.
7. Seek professional help if needed: If your child's anxiety is significantly impacting their daily life, consider consulting a mental health professional who specialises in working with children.

So…

Obviously, helping your anxious child open up about their feelings can be a challenging but rewarding process. By asking thoughtful questions and creating a supportive environment, you can foster a deeper understanding of your child's anxiety and strengthen your relationship. You don’t always get traction but you do set down pathways for communication. Be patient, persistent, and compassionate in your efforts to support your child through their anxiety journey.

As you embark on these conversations, keep in mind that your love, support, and willingness to listen are powerful tools in helping your child navigate their anxiety. You also have to develop your own self-regulation skills. By working together, you can help your child develop the skills and confidence they need to manage their anxiety and thrive.

 

About the Course

If you found these strategies helpful, you might be interested in our comprehensive course, “Foundations of Connection” This course is designed to help parents connect with their anxious and neurodivergent children. It offers practical tools and insights to move from theory to real connection, focusing on understanding children’s emotional cues, fostering trust and respect, and responding empathetically to emotional challenges.

Join us on this journey of empathic parenting and learn how to support your child through their emotional storms with confidence and ease. For more information, visit Huddle Wisdom.

 

 Long-Term Benefits:

This course offers invaluable insights and wisdom that will positively shape your child’s life for years to come

Avoid Costly Mistakes:

 Parenting can be challenging, and it’s easy to make mistakes along the way—just like I did! Learn from my experiences and avoid common pitfalls, saving yourself time and heartache.

 What You’ll Learn:

• Understand Sensitivity: Better read your child’s emotional cues.

• Effective Communication: Foster trust and respect through clear, open dialogue.

• Empathetic Engagement: Respond to emotional challenges with understanding and calm.

• Self-Regulation Techniques: Help your child develop skills to manage stress.