There’s a quiet sort of panic I hear often from parents — especially those raising sensitive, intense, or anxious children.
They’ve tried explaining. Comforting. Distracting. Solving.
And still — the meltdowns, the tension, the fear — they keep coming.
The parent begins to wonder: “Why isn’t this working? Am I doing something wrong?”
Here’s what I often say gently in response:
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re trying to fix something that doesn’t need fixing.
Let’s be clear — anxiety can be distressing. For your child. For you.
But it’s not a broken part. It’s not something to remove.
It’s something to understand.
▍Anxiety isn’t a flaw to correct
Anxious behaviour is often the surface expression of an overloaded nervous system. Your child might not have the words for what’s happening — so it spills out through avoidance, outbursts, shutdowns, or spirals.
When we respond by rushing to calm them down — even with the best intentions — the message that sometimes lands is:
This emotion must end.
This version of you is unmanageable.
You’re only safe when you’re calm.
Even if we don’t say it directly, our urgency speaks loudly.
▍So what helps?
Not fixing. Not explaining.
Not rushing in with logic, charts, or breathing techniques the second anxiety appears.
Instead:
Notice your own pace. Slow down.
Reflect what you see: “This feels too much right now.”
Stay close. Not intrusively. Just available.
Leave space. Let the intensity pass.
It’s simple. It’s also hard — because doing less, while staying connected, can feel like doing nothing. It’s not. It’s some of the most emotionally demanding parenting you’ll ever do.
▍Why this matters
When children learn that they can have a strong feeling — and remain in relationship — they stop fearing the emotion itself.
They may still find it uncomfortable. But it’s survivable. And eventually, navigable.
They don’t learn this because you fixed it.
They learn it because you didn’t disappear.
▍This is the work
It doesn’t always feel like progress. Sometimes it’s quiet, unremarkable, unrewarded in the moment.
But every time you stay near without taking over…
every time you let the wave pass without paddling for them…
you build their capacity to face discomfort and return to connection.
That’s not fixing, but dear parent...
...it’s more than enough.
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🎧 Need support with this?
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