Kia ora, fellow parents!
The following is a summary of stuff I talk about on Episode 99 of the Parenting with Huddle Wisdom Podcast. A bit of an accompanying cheat sheet if you will which you can share and print for the main points.
https://www.huddlewisdom.com/podcasts/parenting-with-huddle-wisdom
Balancing Respect for Individuality and Encouraging Potential
Respecting our children’s individuality while simultaneously encouraging them to reach their full potential is a challenging task. Here’s how we can approach it effectively:
Empathy: The Key to Positive Parenting
Empathy transforms us from mere authority figures into relatable human beings in our children’s eyes. It allows us to connect with them, understand their struggles, and validate their feelings. Empathy is about recognizing that a child’s frustration over tying shoelaces is as significant to them as our frustrations with complex tasks. It shows our support, even when we are the source of their frustration.
Challenge: Preparing for Life’s Realities
While empathy is crucial, challenging our children is equally important. Setting high expectations and encouraging them to push beyond their comfort zones helps them develop resilience and a growth mindset. This approach, inspired by Adlerian courage, involves guiding our children towards their potential, even when it is difficult.
The “Steel Hand in the Velvet Glove” Approach
Combining empathy and challenge requires a balanced approach. The “steel hand in the velvet glove” method involves being firm yet compassionate, supportive yet demanding. Here’s a framework to achieve this balance:
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Observe and Listen: Pay close attention to your children’s verbal and non-verbal cues to gauge if you are pushing too hard or not enough.
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Check-In Regularly: Have regular check-ins to understand their feelings about the challenges they face and adjust your approach based on their feedback.
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Validate Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions, letting them know it’s okay to feel frustrated or overwhelmed.
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Adjust Expectations: If the pressure is too much, break down tasks into manageable steps to help them achieve small wins and build confidence.
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Encourage Resilience: Remind them that struggling is part of growth and share your own experiences of overcoming challenges.
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Empathy as a Guide: Use empathy to set firm boundaries, explaining the reasons behind rules and expectations.
Embracing Imperfection
Perfection is not the goal in parenting. Embrace the “good enough” approach, aiming for progress rather than perfection. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. Celebrate small victories and maintain a sense of humor. Your children will remember the love and effort, not the perfectly executed balance.
Embrace the Journey
Parenting is inherently messy and challenging. By combining empathy and challenge, along with courage and self-forgiveness, you provide your children with the best possible support. Keep striving, and remember that your efforts, though imperfect, are deeply appreciated by your children.
Listen to the latest episode of “Parenting with Huddle Wisdom” for more insights and stories on empathic parenting.
https://www.huddlewisdom.com/podcasts/parenting-with-huddle-wisdom
Stay strong, stay empathetic, and continue encouraging your children to be their best selves.
NgÄ mihi, Dr. Davin Tan
