Helping Anxious Kids Thrive

Risk and uncertainty are two different beasts, yet our brains often lump them together. Our minds detest uncertainty.

Perhaps by learning to distinguish between the two, we can take up better control of our anxiety.

Understanding the real risks in any situation and accepting that uncertainty is a part of life is crucial. Step back, evaluate the risk, assign it a value—low or high—and manage it as best you can.

I think this approach helps us handle uncertainty in a more grounded way, keeping anxiety at bay instead of letting it overwhelm us...hopefully. I've worked with this a bit personally and in clinic...it does kinda help a bit.

Imagine the tightrope walker as a child dealing with anxiety—balancing on that rope represents their struggle to manage their fears and uncertainties. The safety net below is like the support system we create for them, ensuring they don’t fall too far if things get tough -sometimes we appraise risk incorrectly and believe we will...

I know why kids are struggling more than ever with anxiety. Is it arrogance to say such things? Maybe... but hear me out.

Punch line first.

It's our modern world—a mix of digital overload, academic pressure, and societal expectations. But there's good news.

Elaboration now.

I think I know the answer. [Insert Hubris Here].

The Shifting Sands of Religion

First, let's talk about the decline of traditional religion. Before you get excited, I'm not saying this is the reason why we're not doing well. This shift isn't inherently good or bad; in my view, the decline is simply a reflection of the times. A function of detachable attachment. What? Stick with me.

With globalisation, scientific advancements, and a cultural move towards individualism, many young people are stepping away from organised religion. I think young people are less sticky these days. 

So, where are kids finding their sense of purpose these days? Let's...

Anxiety in children is more common than many of us realise.

According to the CDC, about 9.4% of children aged 3-17 years have been diagnosed with anxiety. That's roughly 5.8 million children in the U.S. alone. Comorbidity: About 37.9% of children with anxiety also have behaviour problems, and 32.3% also have depression

If you're a parent, these numbers might feel overwhelming, but understanding and managing your child's anxiety can make a significant difference.

Here are the steps to one systematic approach that I've 'designed':

ENTER the HEATMAP

Step 1: Track Anxiety Episodes

The first step in managing anxiety is to track it. Creating a log to record anxiety episodes can help you identify patterns and triggers. Here's what to include in your log:

- Date and Time: When did the episode occur?

- Location: Where was your child?

- Who was present: Who else was there?

- Situation/Context: What was happening?

- Intensity: Rate the episode (mild,...

Did you know that anxiety among children has nearly doubled in recent years? According to a meta-analysis, 20.5% of youth worldwide now struggle with anxiety symptoms. That’s 1 in 5 kids! Today, I want to share some practical strategies to help your child understand and articulate their feelings of anxiety, especially if they are hard to engage.

Let’s start with a real-life example. Recently, I took a risk with a 15-year-old gamer who played video games for about 7 hours a day and only spent 2 hours on school work. Instead of confronting him about his school work, I asked, “Why aren’t you playing more video games?” I know, I know how that sounds, but bear with me. This unexpected question disarmed him and opened the door for a more meaningful conversation. Why I did this, I find hard to explain. I took a risk. I don’t recommend that unless you are able to connect with someone and empathise (Will Graham style)

...

Today, after dropping off my children at school, I found myself reflecting on an incident. A young girl had fallen and grazed her knee. As she cried, seemingly more from embarrassment than pain, an adult comforted her, praising her bravery and encouraging her to continue. While the adult’s intentions were undoubtedly good, I pondered how the approach could have been slightly different.

I firmly believe that as adults, our role is to prepare children for life’s journey, not to smooth their path. This concept is beautifully articulated in Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt’s book ‘The Coddling of the American Mind’. However, it’s essential to recognise that everyone experiences pain. It’s not about dwelling in discomfort or letting it hinder us, but rather acknowledging our children’s feelings when they’re hurt, then offering reassurance and guidance for what lies ahead.

This brings me to...

Anxiety in children often hides behind more visible issues, yet its long-term effects are profound and far-reaching.

The Rising Tide of Anxiety

Anxiety among children has been steadily increasing. According to the CDC, approximately 9.4% of children aged 3-17 years had diagnosed anxiety between 2016-2019. Recent studies indicate that about 20.5% of youth worldwide now struggle with anxiety symptoms. This rise is concerning and demands our attention.

The Silent Struggle

One of the most challenging aspects of anxiety in children is its often silent nature. Unlike physical ailments, anxiety can be hidden behind a facade of normalcy. Children may lack the vocabulary to express their fears or fear being misunderstood or dismissed. This silence delays treatment, allowing anxiety to fester and grow.

Academic and Social Impacts

The consequences of untreated anxiety extend into the classroom and playground. Anxiety can make it difficult for children...

A confusing scene:

Evan had spent the entire day working on a wooden box, carefully etching an intricate dragon onto the lid. His mother, seeing the finished product, was amazed. “Evan, this is incredible! I didn’t know you could do that!” she exclaimed with genuine admiration. To her surprise, Evan scowled and shouted, “Shut up! It’s rubbish! I hate you!” He then threw the box across the room, where it shattered against the wall. Huh? What just happened?

Ah, the joys of parenting.

What’s Going On?

Evan’s reaction illustrates a common trait among perfectionist children: an inability to accept praise and harsh self-criticism. These children often equate their self-worth with their accomplishments, and any perceived imperfection can trigger intense frustration. Some may even avoid completing tasks or trying new things to evade potential failure. No amount of praise will encourage Evan; he must be perfect. Praise only...